Dec. 19th, 2006

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I wish I could say that I slept better than I did last night, but I kept waking up. Each time I'd move so that Brian would turn and put an arm around me and hold me tight. Just to know he's there. Not out of need, but as reassurance that it's still me and him against the world, getting each other's back, fixing the problems together. I'm his, proudly. He's mine, gladly. I am always his favorite, unconditionally.

There's not a lot of people who understand our relationship. There's not a lot of people that would thrive the way that we do in a relationship this intense and connected. It's not perfect, but for us, it's the best thing either of us ever imagined. We can't be divided, because we are so very strong together.

We're realistic. We both make mistakes, and together we fix them. We have so much together, and even when there are frustrations, he's never judgmental, never condescending, never so set in his beliefs that he can't hear me out.

One of the biggest and best things we have going for us is our ability to compromise to resolve a problem. Sometimes I give in, sometimes he gives in, and there is no keeping score. The reality of a strong, lasting relationship is the ability to be flexible, to make sacrifices. The signs of a truly wonderful bond are not having to make frequent compromises or sacrifices. "I love you and believe in us so much that I'm willing to put my ego aside and find a way together for us to be happy with the outcome." It's being willing to talk through an uncomfortable thing until a resolution is found that makes sense.

In the end, he's the one that is always there for me. He's never shut me out, or made me scramble to regain lost ground. His capacity to forgive me is unprecedented. All I have to do is remember to tell him what I need. He never makes me feel weak or inferior by having needs. He shows me that he wants to know my needs and to help me fill them. What I always know is that he's the most important person in my world. Nothing and no one is worth destroying what we have together.

And for a while, because he wants me happy and well taken care of, he's not sharing me. He's healing me. I am precious to him beyond words and he shows me this every single day. He makes me strong. He makes me a better person with his gentle, honest ways. I am so insanely proud of this man.

January 1st, 2007 is the beginning of our 18th year together. I know very few 18 year relationships as strong and as consistently passionate as ours. I count my fortune daily.

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