jvar: (Default)
I've been processing this since Monday night when I watched (and totally enjoyed) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Recorded here to remember.

Final scene:
Harriet and Matt have a brief exchange.

"At the table read, when I asked for the butter, I got a big laugh. At dress, no one laughed. What did I do wrong?"

He assures her that this is just one laugh out of thirty that she will get, but she insists, asking him again what she did wrong at the dress.

Matt: "You asked for a laugh."

Harriet: "What did I do at the table read?"

Matt: "You asked for the butter."


Ahhhhh. Yes. Indeed!
jvar: (Default)
My friend [livejournal.com profile] cityratbuddy shared this quote with me this evening and it got me thinking (which is a wonderful thing any time). Thanks, cute stuff.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.


-Marianne Williamson

I love that last line. I think it's mighty important. Actually, I love the whole quote, the God bits and all. Granted, I interpret God differently than most organized religions do, but I still believe I'm part of the greater plan. And if I have something powerful inside of me (idea, message, talent...) and I downplay it because of a fear of making others uncomfortable, then I 'd be taking away my own gift. I'd be censoring my light.

I am not a conventional person. I live in a conventional world, but I will not be drowned out my the machination of mediocrity and herd mentality. I am not a pioneer, I am not an activist. What I am is a believer and a doer. I will continue down my path, not pushing people to see things my way, but by creating a wake behind me that others are welcome to ride should they like my projected flight plan. And to those who aren't moving at all, I'll wave as I pass by, but I'm not stopping.

I feel the fire inside burning hot again. Anyone need a light?
jvar: (Adrift)
Can a weekend really make a difference? Can a birthday really kick off a change in head space?

Yes. Definitively.

This is my year of creativity. This is the year that I create things of value and delight. This is the year that I let my artistic inhibitions go and create without worry about how it will be received.

My anxiety about starting something new is waning and I'm tired of spending time plodding along old paths that are going nowhere. It's time to clean out the space and tackle the projects that are starting to appear in my dreams.

All of the heavy issues and prior choices that have weighed on my shoulders are no longer burdens dragging me down. They have become opportunities for solutions (and barring solutions, then these matters will progressively become smaller in my grand scheme until they no longer need to be acknowledged)

This trip around the sun will see me full of love and lust and vital energy. I will find my puzzle pieces and make my connections and reconnections.

I've wasted plenty of time pursuing opportunities that were nearly perfect. I am learning now to look at things in a new light. I will still take chances and throw myself into what I do, but I have grown well aware of what I want and if it threatens to veer me off of that course I will no longer just jump at the immediate pretty vision and risk the dream.

I don't care any more about the hard work, battered fingers, sore muscles and temporary aches that are in front of me. This morning, I welcome them as signs of progress.

I wanna make a mess
I wanna blow off stress
I wanna stoke the fire
Just creatures for a while

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