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We're closing in on the last set of holidays for the year. The new year is going to look a lot different for me, and I have a mixed bag of feelings about it.
I am going to have to get a job outside of 5th Element. I have no idea where yet, but I have a feeling that anything part time will be retail and a little bit of me dies thinking about having to sell for someone else. Hell, a chunk of me died when I made the decision to close the storefront. I look at the basement, and what's become of 5th Element and it's hard not to feel failed.
As Brian said to me, not too long ago, "don't you want a paycheck?" I guess I do, and money going out to 5th Element isn't the same as a paycheck for my efforts. As much as I hate to admit it, I don't know what to do with this business any more. I've entertained notions of making it an on-line herb/spice/tea/essential oil company. But there are others out there that are doing that so much better. I don't have the facilities to warehouse all that I would need to make the prices really worthwhile to shop with me. And to create a site that is really a marketing success, I'm not sure I have the skill, savy, or with an outside job, the time. The more I look at the new year, the less I see a successful business of my own.
I don't know where to go with this. 5 years out of the tech industry and I've lost whatever edge I had. Brian and I have talked about how closing the storefront will allow us more time and money to play. I guess, in a few years after I pay off the debt. But I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to be realistic and call 5th Element a failed hobby here soon.
I still think about what I love doing most in life and trying to figure out how to make that work as income. I make incredible healing products. I want to continue to help people heal themselves. I want to coach people. The degree I am near to finishing is baby steps. I don't know how to keep up with all that I need to for school and making herbal items while I'm still trying to organize the maze of boxes downstairs and upstairs, turn the business into something that brings in instead of bleeds out money, and get an outside job. Something is going to have to give. It's not my social life, because I don't have one of those. I know that it will be suggested that my time on the computer could be cut, which would sever nearly all current social contact. So where's the good that's come of closing the store? I'm still trying to find it.
Yes, I realize this is whiney and full of frustrations, but I need to see it all to start picking it apart to figure out where I'm going.
I had a brief dream of 5th Element funding part of the building of second, detached garage. We'd take the existing 2 car garage and redo it into an office/warehouse. I could see clients. I could coach people on health issues. I could do custom perfume blendings. I could teach classes. I could do all of these things that make me so happy to do. For this to happen, I need income. 5th Element isn't looking like much of a help to this goal, and is starting to feel a little like dead weight.
My dreams of the last week have been like Office Space. I'm in a cube, and I can't find my stapler.
I am going to have to get a job outside of 5th Element. I have no idea where yet, but I have a feeling that anything part time will be retail and a little bit of me dies thinking about having to sell for someone else. Hell, a chunk of me died when I made the decision to close the storefront. I look at the basement, and what's become of 5th Element and it's hard not to feel failed.
As Brian said to me, not too long ago, "don't you want a paycheck?" I guess I do, and money going out to 5th Element isn't the same as a paycheck for my efforts. As much as I hate to admit it, I don't know what to do with this business any more. I've entertained notions of making it an on-line herb/spice/tea/essential oil company. But there are others out there that are doing that so much better. I don't have the facilities to warehouse all that I would need to make the prices really worthwhile to shop with me. And to create a site that is really a marketing success, I'm not sure I have the skill, savy, or with an outside job, the time. The more I look at the new year, the less I see a successful business of my own.
I don't know where to go with this. 5 years out of the tech industry and I've lost whatever edge I had. Brian and I have talked about how closing the storefront will allow us more time and money to play. I guess, in a few years after I pay off the debt. But I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to be realistic and call 5th Element a failed hobby here soon.
I still think about what I love doing most in life and trying to figure out how to make that work as income. I make incredible healing products. I want to continue to help people heal themselves. I want to coach people. The degree I am near to finishing is baby steps. I don't know how to keep up with all that I need to for school and making herbal items while I'm still trying to organize the maze of boxes downstairs and upstairs, turn the business into something that brings in instead of bleeds out money, and get an outside job. Something is going to have to give. It's not my social life, because I don't have one of those. I know that it will be suggested that my time on the computer could be cut, which would sever nearly all current social contact. So where's the good that's come of closing the store? I'm still trying to find it.
Yes, I realize this is whiney and full of frustrations, but I need to see it all to start picking it apart to figure out where I'm going.
I had a brief dream of 5th Element funding part of the building of second, detached garage. We'd take the existing 2 car garage and redo it into an office/warehouse. I could see clients. I could coach people on health issues. I could do custom perfume blendings. I could teach classes. I could do all of these things that make me so happy to do. For this to happen, I need income. 5th Element isn't looking like much of a help to this goal, and is starting to feel a little like dead weight.
My dreams of the last week have been like Office Space. I'm in a cube, and I can't find my stapler.
